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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Madam Military


Finishing school wasnt really part of my plan...

Really im still dreading it...

But the events of the past 30 minutes just about will change my thoughts about it...

I finished exams sometime in July, thoughts of what to do next have been playing seious golf and mountain biking in my head... No lele, this things tend to sort themselves out. Next thing I know, I meet up with my boss from IT and he has work for me. So sharpaly, I'm having something to do again. The work I help start at abuja was nearing completion and boss gave me the assignment of putting the users through the new system we developed for the ministry of defense.

Choi, na me just finish uni last week o, and I don enter plane dey go abuja with security clearance and escort waiting for me at the airport..... military style... eshin.... na this work I dey maintain menh...

I arrive abuja and I go to meet my boss. He assigns me my clearance and all those military whatever.... check my ID... reads my name as a project instructor and civilian consultant.... I mean this happens only in movies menh.....

This is lovely menh....
I get to work immediately sorting out how I will teach my new class... people wey fit born me....
Knowing the right way to communicate computer jargons to people like them is tasking but I picked up some skills before so this shouldnt be hard..

*knock knock*
That felt good i wont lie... I'm used to people entering my room at their own will so I let the person knock again.

*knock knock*
Then I say come in and start to tweet about what just happened... while looking at who came in....

*wolf whistle in mind*
The person who knocked was a woman.
She was hot...
She was uniform hot
She was uniformly hot
She was ok u get...

She had this look of 'where is ur oga?' and I reckoned she dint know i would be the one taking the user classes...

I stand to greet her (forgetting I'm the boss here...who dash monkey)...

Good afternoon ma and she sensing weakness uses that against me...
'Yes, what are you doing here, wheres your boss', she says.
'He is in the next office ma', I reply.
'No i mean, the project inspector', she counters.
'Oh that will be me ma', I reply as calmly and without sounding sarcastic as I could.

She gives this look and grunt of this people with connections sha... and asks for the trainee package I just finished.

I tell her to sit, (a statement she dint enjoy) and proposed to start taking charge from there joo

I start to run her through the whole blah blah blah and soon she understood that I was one of the creators of the development and began to drop her 'connection thinking' (if I slap you this woman.. dey tell u say i no go skul'

Before we know it, my boss comes in and tells me he is going back to lagos and gives me the rundown I needed.

I continue talking with the woman as it turns out she is something like the 'classrep'... not bad... she looked gangsta enough
.
I'm not a fan of flat women but i enjoy them just as much....(o_0)

Wait oo...
Just wait a bloody minute
Are you checking her out?
Oh fucking gaddamn.. u r checking this military bitch out....
Hmmmm.... must be the uniform
I love babes in uniform...
Lawyers, doctors, etc :D

We finish our talk and she leaves...
I pack my things and thats when i remembered i hadnt called the friend i was going to stay with...
Hiss
Hiss long
I call my friend wale and he takes his time to pick up...
When he did..... the conversation ended in five seconds...
He said...'guy, on a p things' and cuts..
Ok, less than five.
I understand he has a girl over..... and he isnt going to hear my side tonight....
On a p things means he has planned and set this ball in motion a while back and nothing is going to spoil some weeks plan...

So, i got together my things... two bags and my laptop and lock my office... (ahhh.. no name yet...anyhow sha..:D)....
i walk down to the gate where i sign my key down and walk outside....

Na so one mumu press horn loud behind me..... (oloshi, dey tell u say I deaf)...
I turn to look and I see madam military signing out.... hiss

She finished, looks at me and asks where I'm going... I tell her I'm going to the grand mirage hotel around garki 2.....
She offers to drop me off...(whew).. finding cab will mean i had to walk a while.....

So in I enter and she sees that as we are not in office environments starts to drill me....(not the sex type)... she fires questions after questions.... (whats your bizwax with my primary 1 teachers name)

She then asks why im staying at the hotel...
I contemplate telling her my friend left town but that inner werey that was checking her out somewhat blurted my friend has a girl over for the night so i cant go to to his place....
My audacity stunned her a micro second (or so i wanto believe)...

She then asks if i have a girlfriend... I reply no.. and she starts to fire why and etc...
She finally tells me since I'm going to be in in abuja for a while i can come stay at her BQ... rent the place was what she said... (I'm thinking, see this woman oo.. rent? my guy wont be knacking the whole two months way now... im going back to his place by tomorrow joo).... I tell her no ma, I dont have the money to rent the place and also that I planned on staying at my friends place....

She says ok, I should stay in for the night.

That inner werey says 'ok, that will be nice ma'.
She finally smiled.
I dint notice...
The werey did.
He now turned me to look at her.
She looked at me and asked what?
I said nothing... the werey said 'you have a lovely smile'.
She gave me this dumb look.
And threw the smile.
This time I saw it...
And werey was forming 'I don't give a fuck'
I just don't understand how werey was doing it but he was in charge of the body at that moment cos that was what madam military saw.
She asks what happened with eyebrows raised.
I say nothing and continue tapping on BB that will soon die.

*beep* it does.

We finally get to her house.
She shows me where i would sleep for the night and goes to dish dinner.
Her maid already left but made dinner.

I eat... Sorry we ate together

Each with our own thoughts.

Now i know twas similar.

She finished before me, dropped her dishes and i offered to wash them.
She says thanks, shes going for a bath and leaves.

I start to wash the plate when i hear someone behind me.

I look back and the fear that gripped me cant be explained.

I dropped the plate in my hand from the shock.

Madam military was standing nude covered in soap repeating some words....

Twas later i found out she said.... 'come and scrub my back'


To be continued....

2 comments:

@EvaAlordiah said...

LMFAO!!! Ok, as a writer myself, I was gonna say I wish it was more professionally written..you know the hoo-ha? Dot your Ts, You not U.. But hey scrap that.
Your writing style makes it all the more unique. I feel like I have you right here giving me the gist on a low down. LOL! Awwwww real sweet. Do let me know when the next one is posted.

Ms♥Infamous said...

Loooooool. Funny guy. weyrey no ni. lol i like like